The Bible doesn't provide a precise "dictionary" definition of forgiveness; instead, it illustrates the concept through numerous examples. God’s forgiveness is the greatest example of all. While the following passage may not explicitly mention the word "forgive," it captures the essence of God's forgiveness flawlessly.
The Lord is compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love. He will not always accuse, nor will he harbor his anger forever; he does not treat us as our sins deserve or repay us according to our iniquities. For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him; as far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. - Psalm 103:8–12
It's important to understand that forgiveness is primarily concerned with sin. Most of the instances in the Bible where the terms "forgive" or "forgiveness" appear, there's a reference to sin. Here are some examples:
In this way the priest will make atonement for them for the sin they have committed, and they will be forgiven. - Leviticus 4:35
When Jesus saw their faith, he said, “Friend, your sins are forgiven.” - Luke 5:20
To achieve genuine forgiveness, an individual must acknowledge their sin, otherwise known as confession. Accountability and honest reflection is necessary in order to be forgiven. Attempting to dismiss a sin as just a minor error, a human weakness, or a brief misjudgment, or outright denying the sin, creates an obstacle to being forgiven.
If we claim to be without sin, we deceive ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness. - 1 John 1:8-9
God grants forgiveness for sins, but this does not imply that He overlooks them or ignores their consequences. The cost of sin is death, as stated in Romans 6:23, and this penalty must be satisfied.
So how exactly is the debt of sin paid off?
Well, in the Old Testament, God permitted an animal sacrifice to serve as a substitute for the sinner. The book of Leviticus is filled with instructions on how sin was forgiven during the age of Mosaic law.
“When anyone is unfaithful to the Lord by sinning unintentionally in regard to any of the Lord’s holy things, they are to bring to the Lord as a penalty a ram from the flock, one without defect and of the proper value in silver, according to the sanctuary shekel. It is a guilt offering. They must make restitution for what they have failed to do in regard to the holy things, pay an additional penalty of a fifth of its value and give it all to the priest. The priest will make atonement for them with the ram as a guilt offering, and they will be forgiven.” - Leviticus 5:15-16
Leviticus 5:15-16 explains how after committing a sin, the people were required to offer up a “ram from the flock, one without defect and of the proper value in silver, according to the sanctuary shekel.” This part of the excerpt shows that a sacrificial burnt offering was a commodity that was hard to come by. It required the sinner to pick the best choice animal from his/her flock, thus making the “guilt offering” an expensive way of paying off sin’s debt.
As costly as this sacrifice was, it never truly paid off the debt of sin. This offering merely delayed the judgment until a more sufficient sacrifice could be presented to cover the entire cost of sin, thereby enabling forgiveness.
The book of Hebrews speaks more about how the animal blood that was shed simply wasn’t a sufficient enough sacrifice to warrant forgiveness. In Hebrews 10:4, the writer states, “For it is impossible for the blood of bulls and goats to take away sins.“ Therefore, humanity needed pure blood in order to fulfill the debt completely.
This is where our Lord Jesus Christ comes into the picture.
“In [Christ] we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace.” - Ephesians 1:7
God forgives humanity’s shortcomings through the sacrifice of Jesus Christ. Once a person experiences the forgiveness of God, he or she is then responsible to forgive others. Colossians 3:13 makes this abundantly clear. “Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you”.
Individuals who withhold forgiveness fail to acknowledge the extent of their own sins that require forgiveness. Christians are commanded to forgive those who have trespassed against them. Why? Every person has done wrong to God to a much greater extent than they have been wronged by others.
In Matthew 18:21-35, Christ paints us a picture of how hypocritical it is to ask for forgiveness from God, yet abstain from showing mercy to others.
In the Parable of the Unforgiving Servant, Jesus speaks about how a servant whose master forgave his debt of ten thousand talents (equivalent to millions of dollars in today’s age) was unwilling to forgive one of his fellow servants, who owed him a days wage of money. Compared to what the first servant owed to his master, the debt owed by the second servant was a very small amount. The key message in this parable is that those who are forgiven for many debts should do the same.
The mercy we show towards one another should be without limit.
So, when we forgive, does this mean we should forget the wrong committed to us and live in some sort of amnesic state? No. In today’s age we often hear the phrase forgive and forget, but this can be misleading. To forgive and forget does not mean that a person whose been wronged develops some sort of memory loss.
An individual who has endured abuse will always remember the occurrence. Someone who has been betrayed by an unfaithful partner will not forget that ordeal. A parent whose child has been kidnapped will likely reflect on that event every day of their life on earth. Even though these events can remain in one’s memory for life, it is possible to forget as long as we use the biblical definition of the term “forget”.
In the Bible, the concepts of remembering and forgetting are not related to the brain's ability to retain information. For instance, when Genesis 8:1 mentions that "God remembered Noah" during his time on the ark, it doesn't suggest God had temporarily forgotten Noah. Instead, in biblical terms, to remember means "to choose to take action," while to forget means "to choose not to take action" based on certain facts. Thus, when it's said that God "remembered" Noah, it indicates God's decision to actively intervene on Noah’s behalf, leading to the receding of the floodwaters.
Similarly, under the New Covenant, when God declares, "I will forgive their wickedness and will remember their sins no more" (Hebrews 8:12), it doesn't mean He erases the memory of sins. Rather, it signifies His choice not to respond based on those sins.
This is demonstrated further in 1 Corinthians 13:5, where it's stated that "love keeps no record of wrongs." In the context of forgiveness, to forgive and forget means not persisting in holding the sin against the offender or bringing it up in future interactions. Although a person may not forget the incident, they can decide not to act upon it. This is what the Bible refers to as forgetting.
Many of us wonder about forgiving those who have sinned against us, but fail to repent for their deeds. The question arises: is forgiveness valid if the offender has neither admitted guilt nor requested forgiveness?
The aim of forgiveness, as outlined in the Bible, is twofold: it serves to heal the victim and to rehabilitate the wrongdoer. This process requires the wrongdoer's recognition of their sin. Therefore, there are circumstances where it is appropriate for the one who was sinned against to withhold forgiveness until the offender has asked for it.
For example, it is reasonable for parents to expect an apology from a rebellious child before extending forgiveness, as true reconciliation requires the child to acknowledge their misdeeds. It would not be wise for a father to forgive his teenage son for a serious infraction like drinking and driving without the son admitting his fault. Nonetheless, the father should remain open to forgiving once the son meets the necessary conditions for reconciliation. Offering forgiveness without it being sought can diminish the value of forgiveness and overlook the gravity of the transgression.
That being said, Jesus commands us to always be ready to extend forgiveness whenever it is asked for. There may be times when such requests are not genuine or, even if they are genuine, the individual may repeat the offense against us in the future.
But, isn’t this what we do to God? Doesn’t He show us mercy despite our constant shortcomings?
In certain situations, it may be appropriate for the victim to overlook an offense without a formal request for forgiveness, while in others, it is necessary to await the offender's acknowledgment and request for forgiveness to mend the relationship.
This concept is central to church discipline as described in Matthew 18:15–17. If confronting the offender leads to their confession, then reconciliation and forgiveness follow. If this does not resolve the issue, the next step is to bring a handful of witnesses with you when confronting the wrongdoer. If this does not work then the matter must be resolved by the entirety of the church. If after all this, the sinner does not repent, the ultimate consequence may be exclusion from the church.
For minor grievances and insults within the family or church community, the guideline is to "turn the other cheek," in the words of Jesus (Matthew 5:39). However, for more serious offenses where such forgiveness is not feasible, the one who was been wronged should directly address the issue with the offender.
Throughout this entire process, it is crucial to remember that under no circumstance does one have the right to hold onto anger, foster bitterness, or spread rumors about the matter.
The goal should always be reconciliation. We should never hold grudges.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself regarding forgiveness:
- Have I confessed my sin and received God’s forgiveness?
- Is there anyone whom I have sinned against and from whom I need to ask forgiveness?
- Is there anyone who has sinned against me and has asked me for forgiveness, but I have refused to forgive?
- Is there anyone I am holding a grudge against for past wrongs?
- If there is an unresolved issue, will I simply “let it go,” or will I go talk to the offender about it? (Continuing to hold a grudge is not a biblical option!)
- Would I be willing to forgive if the offender asked me for forgiveness?
